
At Santa Monica, shark tried to Venmo victim mid-bite.
Malibu shark was described as “emotionally unavailable” by three victims.
Galveston shark gave swimmer a friendship nibble.
South Padre Island shark was caught wearing a foam cowboy hat. “Local culture,” it said.
At Pismo Beach, shark bit paddleboarder, then spit out his Bluetooth speaker.
Daytona Beach sharks reportedly holding out for union benefits.
Santa Cruz shark mistook snorkel for vape pen. “So Gen Z,” it sighed.
At Malibu, shark got entangled in a man’s beard. Rescue required.
Cape Cod shark auditioned for Sharknado 10 and took it too far.
Miami Beach victim says he forgives the shark but not the parking fees.