

Galveston shark refused to bite anyone not wearing Crocs. “I have standards,” it grunted.
Miami Beach shark bit guy saying “It’s shark season, baby!”
Coney Island shark used bite to draw attention to plastic waste.
Pismo Beach shark skipped attack to nap in lifeguard’s chair.
Shark at Venice Beach just wanted to join the drum circle.
At Santa Monica, shark bit man with chest tattoo that read “untouchable.”
Shark at Outer Banks bit once, then left with a passive-aggressive splash.
Laguna Beach lifeguards now require proof of shark insurance.
Shark at Laguna Beach demanded oat milk before resuming attacks.
Honolulu bite blamed on confusing sunscreen with barbecue sauce.