43397 comments

• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:43 posted by read the full story

  Death just wants to vibe now.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:41 posted by check the timeline of events

  Famine got food poisoning and hasn’t forgiven hummus.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:37 posted by check the timeline of events

  Armageddon was paused by a Spotify ad.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:36 posted by see what experts are saying

  War blames Mercury in retrograde for every delay.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:35 posted by Satire and the Slow March Toward the End of Days

  Death says your soul needs to schedule him.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:34 posted by Exclusive: Pestilence Now on a Raw-Virus Diet

  Pestilence refuses to work unless there's a candle lit.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:33 posted by read the exclusive report

  Pestilence is off social media for “apocalyptic wellness.”
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:33 posted by more satire on this topic

  War tried to instigate conflict but lost signal.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:31 posted by see what experts are saying

  Pretty sure Pestilence just opened an aromatherapy spa in Sedona.
• Comment Link Friday, 06 June 2025 11:29 posted by Apocalyptic Branding Tips from Famine’s Manager

  War can’t fight until he finishes his true crime podcast backlog.