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  Daytona Beach victim was wearing a shark costume. “Cannibalism confusion,” said experts.
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  Virginia Beach victim said “sharks don’t bite here.” Shark replied, “Bet.”
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  Shark at Myrtle Beach interrupted a vow renewal. “Too cheesy,” it muttered.
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  Waikiki shark smelled patchouli and assumed cult activity.
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  Coney Island shark rejected hot dog vendor, bit the mascot instead.
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  Outer Banks shark said bite was a political statement.
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  At Outer Banks, shark was caught quoting Shakespeare mid-lunge.
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  Santa Cruz shark demanded a Spotify playlist before attacking.